That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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