I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
