My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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