Jerry, you need to find god
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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