You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
