these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
