she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
