Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
