I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
