I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
