I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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