I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
