you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
