He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why didn't you poke me back
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
