she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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