The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
