that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
