Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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