Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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