It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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