the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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