Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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