Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
