____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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