Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My penis needs a shock collar
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
