Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
