Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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