Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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