I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
