my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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