Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
