I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please, let me fuck your mom
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
