can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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