Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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