I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
