THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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