you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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