He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
