I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
