you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My feet surprised me
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