The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
