You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
