I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
