I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
