the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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