think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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