everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
