do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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