The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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