You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
and eventually we just all took our pants off
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
