do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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