Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Acid is not a monday night drug
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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